Aplets and Craplets

Today Markus and I received in the mail something that's only slightly better than a flaming bag of poo:

Dear Markus,

CONGRATULATIONS on your employment in the State of Washington! In appreciation for your joining the Washington State workforce, we are sending you this box of Aplets and Cotlets, the recently designated "State Candy of the State of Washington." These delightfully soft apple and apricot confections with walnuts and all-natural flavors are created right here in Washington State by Liberty Orchards in Cashmere, Washington.

We hope you will share these confections with your wife, Jill, and savor your new employment in the great State of Washington. We know you will enjoy them.

With sincere WELCOME!

Someone who hates you.